Nov 30

3 Lessons I Learned From Losing Someone I Love

losing someone

Losing someone we love is so painful that we neglect everything especially the lessons it brings.

Three years ago, I lost my second child. It was the most painful phase that happened in my life but it was also the best teacher. So instead of mourning on his death anniversary, I choose to value the things it taught me.

Acceptance And Living Life

When Red lost his life, I wanted to lose mine and die with him. I had wished that everything was just a nightmare I could run away from when I wake up. My hope of carrying him in my arms was my only interest. And when reality slapped, I had lost all my care in the world. I even forgot that I still have another son who needed my love and attention. It was only when I learned to accept that I started living again. And while I think that life could have been better when he is around, I still appreciate life’s beauty with who I am currently with.

Making Each Moment Count

I didn’t see his death coming. He was on intensive care right after birth but my firstborn also went through the same care and he survived. I thought Red would also be able to get through it. So while I was recuperating from Caesarian Section, I only checked on him in the NICU three or four times a day. I hadn’t sung him a lullaby. I hadn’t hugged him. I had not kissed him. Because I thought that my cuddles and ‘I love you’s’ could wait until he gets better, until we get home. So when he gave up two days after, I cried so hard because of regret. Regret that I didn’t live the moment, that I waited for the ‘right time’ that never came. Losing him has taught me to feel the feeling, to live the moment and not to leave love unspoken.

Being Stronger Than Ever

I always told myself that I only lost him physically. His memories are still alive. I have let go of him but I have not let go of the love I have for him. Am I getting his love in return? Who cares? Do I still cry for him? A lot. But crying doesn’t mean I’m weak and being strong doesn’t mean having the strength to hold back or being indifferent and unemotional. It means being able to love more without hesitations and without expecting to be loved in return.

So at this moment, I haven’t lost him at all. I have gained an angel who let me see things positively.

Say something. Leave a trail.

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